What Elmer the Elephant Teaches Children About Emotional Regulation
- Orsolya Majoros
- May 24
- 4 min read
Last year, we wrote about why Elmer became such a favourite at Fun Box Day Nursery — celebrating his colourful individuality, kindness and sense of belonging. If you would like to revisit it, you can read our earlier article here:https://www.funboxdaynursery.co.uk/post/why-elmer-the-elephant-is-a-favourite-at-fun-box-day-nursery
Returning to Elmer again this year, we found ourselves reflecting on another important theme hidden within the story: emotional regulation. Because beneath the bright patchwork colours and playful adventures lies something deeply important for young children — the need to feel safe enough to be themselves.
If you'd like to discover more about Elmer and his friends, head to: https://www.elmer.co.uk/
Emotional regulation begins with connection
Emotional regulation does not begin with children learning to “calm themselves down”. It begins with children feeling safe enough to bring their feelings to someone else.
For young children, emotions can feel very big, very physical and sometimes overwhelming. Frustration, excitement, disappointment, anger, worry and joy are all part of growing up, but learning how to recognise, express and gradually manage these feelings takes time. This process is known as emotional regulation, and it forms an important part of children’s executive functioning skills — the mental processes that help children manage emotions, build relationships, work collaboratively, develop resilience and grow in confidence. These skills are not developed overnight. They grow slowly through warm, responsive relationships and repeated experiences of being supported through difficult feelings.
At nursery, we often remind ourselves that behaviour is communication, especially in early childhood when children may not yet have the words to fully explain what they are feeling.
Sometimes emotional dysregulation may look like tears, frustration, shouting, withdrawing, clinginess or difficulty waiting and sharing. These moments are not signs that a child is “bad” or “naughty”. More often, they are signs that a child needs support, connection, understanding and help to organise their feelings.
Helping children learn emotional regulation
Young children do not learn emotional regulation by simply being told to “stop crying”, “calm down” or “use their words”. Instead, they learn through co-regulation — the experience of another calm, emotionally available adult helping them through overwhelming moments.
This can look like:
acknowledging emotions without judgement:
“I can see you’re feeling angry.”
“You look disappointed.”
“You seem really excited!”
helping children name emotions, so feelings gradually become easier to understand and express
offering physical reassurance such as a hug or sitting close by
taking slow deep breaths together
moving to a quieter space when things feel overwhelming
listening to what children may be communicating through behaviour, with or without words
avoiding dismissing feelings with phrases such as “you’re fine” or “don’t be silly”
Children also learn emotional understanding through modelling. When adults calmly talk about their own feelings, children begin building emotional vocabulary and recognising that all emotions are natural and manageable. For example:
“I’m smiling because I feel really happy.”
“I’m feeling a little confused, so I’m going to stop and think.”
“I’m frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath.”
These small everyday moments help children understand that emotions are something we can notice, express and work through safely together.
What Elmer teaches us about emotional safety
One of the reasons Elmer resonates so strongly with children is because, underneath the humour and colour, many children recognise something familiar in his story. Elmer spends part of the story trying to hide who he truly is in order to fit in with everyone else. But eventually, he discovers that he is happiest and most accepted when he can simply be himself.
This carries an important emotional message for children.
Children often express themselves most freely when they feel emotionally safe, accepted and connected. When children feel secure in relationships, they are more likely to communicate feelings openly, seek comfort when needed, develop confidence and build positive relationships with others.
At Fun Box, we aim to create environments where children feel safe to express emotions, explore ideas, make mistakes, ask questions and be themselves without fear of judgement.
Exploring Elmer through play at nursery
Throughout our Elmer topic, the children explored emotions, communication and creativity through a variety of playful experiences. We shared Elmer stories together, pausing to talk about how different characters might have been feeling and encouraging children to recognise emotions through storytelling and conversation.
The children also took Elmer for a walk around, practising positional language and prepositions as they placed Elmer behind, under, beside and between different objects.
Creative expression formed another important part of our learning, with the children designing colourful Elmer collages inspired by his famous patchwork patterns.
Through messy play, the children explored elephant habitats using a variety of sensory materials, textures and small world resources, encouraging curiosity, imagination and collaborative play.
We also explored emotional literacy more directly by sorting emotion figures into different categories and discussing facial expressions, feelings and how emotions can sometimes look different from person to person.
These playful experiences may appear simple on the surface, but they support many important areas of child development simultaneously — including communication and language, personal, social and emotional development, creativity, sensory exploration, problem-solving and relationship building.
Stories that help children explore emotions
Stories can often help children explore feelings in ways that feel safe, playful and manageable. Alongside Elmer, some other wonderful books that support conversations around emotions and emotional regulation include:
The Colour Monster
The Big Book of Feelings
Ruby’s Worry
The Huge Bag of Worries
Through stories, play and supportive relationships, children gradually learn one of the most important lessons of all:
All feelings are welcome — and they do not have to handle them alone. 💛
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